Helm: "I needed a password
eight characters long so I picked Snow White and
the Seven Dwarves."
Vine: "Crime in multi-storey
car parks. That is wrong on so many different
Buress: "People say 'I'm
taking it one day at a time.' You know what? So
is everybody. That's how time works."
Key: "Drive Thru McDonalds
was more expensive than I thought...once you've
hired the car..."
Kirshen: "I was playing
chess with my friend and he said, "Let's make
this interesting". So we stopped playing chess."
Millican: "My mother told
me, you don’t have to put anything in your mouth
you don’t want to. Then she made me eat
broccoli, which felt like double standards."
Sharp: "I was in a band
which we called The Prevention, because we hoped
people would say we were better than The Cure."
Watson: "Someone asked me
recently – what would I rather give up, food or
sex. Neither! I’m not falling for that one
Andrew Lawrence: "I admire
these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of
patience. I can’t even be bothered to check my
DeAnne Smith: "My friend
died doing what he loved... Heroin."
And the worst
joke of the fringe comes from Paul Daniels:
to a fella ‘is there a B&Q in Henley’ He said “No,
there’s an H, an E, an N an L and a Y…"